In March 2011 I finished taking my last packet of the pill & completed the weaning off process from my anti-depressants. Some people would say I was mad doing it all 3 months before our wedding, in hindsight I possibly was, but I was quite aware that it could take some time to work its way out of my system & figured that even if I was 3 months pregnant on our wedding day then it wouldn’t be too bad (little did I know how I’d feel at 3 months pregnant!).
I started keeping a record of my periods, not to track when I was fertile but so I could work out how long my cycles were & when to expect the next one! I used the Always Me app on my phone, there are others but this one was free & the reviews weren’t too bad. They fell back into a pretty regular pattern, much more regular than I remembered them being & were between 28-30 days on average.
The first time I decided to take a pregnancy test was in the week before the wedding. Looking back I could have predicted a longer cycle that week due to me being pretty busy with the wedding, but I got to 34 days & just wanted to set my mind at rest one way or the other. It was negative & my period came a few days later. To be honest, I was a bit gutted as it’d have been a nice wedding present but, with the excitement of the wedding, it was soon forgotten.
A few months after the wedding, I decided that my weight could potentially be playing a part in the time it was taking for us to get pregnant. I started exercise referral in the August (partly due to my mental health & partly due to my weight) weighing somewhere around 15st (96kg) if I remember correctly. After a few months I decided to weigh myself regularly & keep track of my progress which is something I’d never done before & on the 18th October 2011, I weighed 14st 6lbs (91.7kg).
When we got to April 2012, I realised that we’d been trying for a year & that’s when I started to get scared that it wasn’t going to happen. I’d been fine & hadn’t worried at all up until this point. I don’t know what happened but I think it was hitting that 1 year marker & knowing I’d make a number of healthy lifestyle changes (I was eating better, exercising more & I’d lost a fair bit of weight) that caused me to worry. We decided that we’d go to the GP to get their opinion.
The GP was fantastic & because we’d been actively trying (I believe that’s the polite way of saying we’d been at it like rabbits!) for a year he decided to refer us for further tests, starting with me. This was a big thing for me as I really, really don’t like having blood taken, I don’t seem to be easy to get blood out of & all the early tests are blood tests. All my tests came back normal & that meant we needed to be referred to for further testing, starting with Rob’s sperm being checked. I had a phonecall from the GP saying that the hospital we’d chosen had refused the referral as my BMI was coming back as over 30, I was gutted but then I realised I’d not been weighed since I was referred for exercise referral months prior to visiting the GP! I corrected him as I’d only weighed myself the day before, I now weighed 13st 1lb (82.9kg), which meant my BMI was just under the limit of 30. The GP said he would re-send the referral & we should get letters through for our initial appointments.
Getting to this point took us to early-June. It seemed like we’d been trying forever. In reality I realise that less than 2 years is quite common & no time at all compared to some couples but when you’re going through it, it feels like forever. I’d always taken things as they happened but it was really starting to worry me & every month, when my period arrived, I was secretly gutted & felt like crying. I’d vowed that I wouldn’t take a pregnancy test until I’d got past the longest cycle I’d had since we’d started trying which was 38 days. I knew when I was expecting my period, that day came & went but I couldn’t let myself get excited. I got to 36 days & I caved. Something felt different (cliché I know but it did!). I do a lot of work in GP practices & I asked one of the nurses if she could do me a pregnancy test. She gave me a bottle which I dutifully went & filled. When I got back, she started getting everything together & doing the test, all the time chatting away to me & asking if we’d been trying etc. I explained that we’d been trying a while, we’d been referred for tests & we were waiting on a letter about Rob going for his first tests. I’ll never forget her response. She just looked at me, smiled & said “you don’t need them”. I cried. I laughed. She gave me a hug. And then I realised I needed to tell Rob. And I needed to finish my day at work as I still had clients to see!
I went back to my room & decided I was going to phone Rob. It was a normal time for me to ring him so he wouldn’t suspect anything. He’d just got home from work & had just opened his letter from the hospital about his tests. I just told him that I had some news & he asked what. So I told him he was going to be a Daddy. I don’t remember his response. I remember the rest of my day at work being a blur, having a ridiculous smile on my face all the way home, getting home & Rob just scooping me into the biggest cuddle ever.